Well, I was always thinking how to define this “dizziness” I have. Let´s call it depression. This depression it is not a bad thing. Someone was telling me not so long time ago that every artist it is a little bit depressed. OK. (mens are from the Earth, womens as well) Deal with this.
But my depression it is a special one. In fact consists of two parts: a boy and a girl.
The girl… what a thing!! She is not ugly or smth like this, in fact she is even pretty. She thinks she is my best friend. I throw her out on the door and she come back at the window. She is Bjork fan, but she like also Portishead. In fact she is not listening such a creepy music. She likes even Otis Redding. I like him too. But is pissing me off because she is way too sensitive and she is suffering for everything. A little bit stupid. Sad almost all the time, but she manage to hide very well. And now you will tell, ok, ok, but, we all go through ups and downs in our mood. Sadness is a normal reaction to life’s struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word “depression” to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness. I agree. This is really true. But this girl, she is thinking she lives in some kinda black hole and there (as you know very well, ) time doesn’t exist. Sometimes she loose all interest even for daily things and this is pissing me off a lot. She feels guilty for everything. She seems to not enjoy so much things around her. But the most important thing is that she is so anxious, omg, how can someone live like this , being afraid of almost everything. I know that between depression and anxiety there´s a strong relation, but… She is also very emotive. This frustrate me a lot because the normal me is funny and talkative and entertaining and when this girl is coming the things change completely and … she don´t like people. Restless, distracted, two-faced, judgmental, depressed, overwhelmed…
The boy… oh, I love this boy! He is very handsome, Depeche Mode fan. I like his music a lot. He love to talk. He is some kind of a mix of the yin and the yang. He also have a lot of energy, which is contagious btw. He love new stuffs and he is always in search for something new. He like to experiment and to learn . He tend to get bored of one thing very easily and move on to another. Good and bad, leader and follower, at the same time. But most of the time he focus on his good side and ignore the bad side. Usually he hate unpleasant things and will be always running away from them. He will always be thinking about something which will exhaust his mind and make him mentally tired. It is very interesting to have a conversation with him. You will learn a lot from him. He is intelligent, have a good sense of humour and know how to make people be at ease. He is good at jokes and can be clever pranksters. But he is shy and delicate, that is why I like him and his sharp mind. He is diplomatic, knowledgeable and ambitious but also witty and sarcastic. He is a busy machine, always moving at warp speed. And he speak , and speak and speak… Fascinating, original, resourceful, charming, wise, adventurous… yeah, I love this boy. He hate small-minded people, dress codes, authority figures, silence, routines… And his secret wish is to have answer to everything possible. lol. Mischievous twinkle in his eyes, reading, talking with his hands as the Italian people they do. And the most important, he is always behind a camera with a million great ideas.
Conclusion: one day, into frilly, girl stuff. The next day, over that and skydiving out of an airplane. But both of them the girl and the boy they speak their mind all the time. This should scare you a little bit, especially if they are smiling. lol.. And they hate each other.. this is clear!
so, that is all (I hope) … this is the way I see this creepy depression … a little bit different let´s say…
(All photos on this post are copyrighted material from the project “abstract visions” and all rights are reserved Margò Wiessman)
- Writers and Depression (maasmith.com)