How to show you care

What do you say to someone who’s depressed? All too often, it’s the wrong thing. People still have such a cloudy idea of what mental illness is… I am writing this post because I´ve realized they are a lot of people suffering and apparently nobody can understand this.  Never tell to somebody “I Understand” (trust me,  You Really Don’t)

I am here for you..

What to say:
You’re not alone in this.
What NOT to say:
There’s always someone worse off than you are.

You matter!!

What to say:
You are important to me.
What NOT to say:
No one ever said that life was fair

Let me help!

What to say:
Do you want a hug?
What NOT to say:
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.


Dear people, depression is real! It is not a joke!

What to say:
You are not going crazy.
What NOT to say:
So you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?

There is hope!

What to say:
We are not on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.
What NOT to say:
Try not to be so depressed.

You can survive this!

What to say:
When all this is over, I’ll still be here and so will you.
What NOT to say:
It’s your own fault.

I will do my best to understand you!

What to say:
I can’t really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.
What NOT to say:
Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days.

You wont drive me away.

What to say:
I’m not going to leave you or abandon you.
What NOT to say:
I think your depression is a way of punishing us.

I care about you!

What to say:
I love you. (Say this only if you mean it.)
What NOT to say:
Haven’t you grown tired of all this “me, me, me” stuff yet?

We will get through this together.

What to say:
I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself, so you don’t need to worry that your pain might hurt me.
What NOT to say:
Have you tried chamomile tea?

Could be more, but I am already tired. I hope this post will really help someone today!

ps: very important, do not tell to a depressive person ” it could be worse”… (depression isn’t about how bad things are; it’s about how bad they feel to the person at that moment.) People with depression can become very good at putting on a fake smile and going through the motions of everyday life. This does not mean, however, that they are not falling apart inside. Because depression is an invisible illness, it doesn’t always show how hard a person is already trying to feel better. Hearing someone tell you that you just need to try harder when you are already giving it your best effort can be both frustrating and insulting. How bad things are in your life really has nothing to do with depression. Events that might not really bother one person may seem like insurmountable obstacles to someone with depression because they do not have the internal resources needed to cope with stressful experiences. Depression is caused by a deficiency in the brain of mood-regulating substances called neurotransmitters. While technically this deficiency is occurring “in your head,” depression is a very real illness.

and to conclude I must tell that a person with depression is not choosing to feel like crap for himself. How he feels is not a choice at all. It is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain.

thanks everybody for reading… if you had enough patience.


2 thoughts on “How to show you care

  1. As I read through this, I thought (as I have many times before) how people can say such thoughtless things!! Excellent post and commentary

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