thoughts intoxicated by other thoughts …..

I am behind of everything and everyone… and what’s worse is that I am still passive … jeesh, I do not know what happened to me.  In my happy ignorance, sometimes (rarely in fact) I sit and meditate, forced most of the times by what I see or hear. I can do a pact with the devil, marathon twist, heavy metal injections, bioenergy showers, I can can wear underwear all colored in natural colors, I’ll remain still apathetic.

I want to know what reduces my life to this status of crawler worm. This cosmic shit that ruin my existence, it´s just me! A delusional creature! I am feeling like a subhuman creature which makes me sick. I’m sick of me … my apathy … which kills my brain … millimeter by millimeter …. I’m sick of dying and rotten ideas that choke me every day and  do not give me peace …

Today I tried to stay in the real world. I looked out the window and I was lost between reality and imagination of my happiness … Today I felt the feeling of a lost happiness … And I loved him today more than ever. When I came back to this life I do not want, I’ve seen him far away from me in a sadness that took my place. He was staring at the ground and he was wandered from me forever …

And tomorrow, I am afraid I will hate him and understand him again.  I tried to stay in the real world … Me, a soul who went so far above some high clouds, me, a soul who floats and does not know where he went, a soul who don´t know what was before, and if the things they will come will be different than it is now. The blue sky it is all that this soul is able to see. this soul is my soul, it is me.

 

Oh, what a nice thing that this is just an aberration of my mind… thoughts intoxicated by other thoughts …..

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